Its that time of year

It’s that time of year
When I’m full of fear
Scared and unable to sleep
I keep these thoughts near
Afraid to share
Or show my fears

Revising hard
Like it’s a bigger fard
Than following Islam
Which keeps me calm
My final exams are nigh
End of an era
But my mind is full of terror

Grade eleven
Final year
Have to do well
A few A*'s and maybe
A couple of A's
That is If I’m lucky
If not how do I tell my family
That I failed miserably?

My mum crying
My dad staring
Into space
With an empty face
Sombre dark frame of mind
Takes hold like somebody died
I let down the family
What will people say?
Relatives boasting
Their kids done outstanding
Whilst my parents hide their shame
In isolation
Holding me for the blame

My life aint worth living
And I think about myself deeply
I think about suicide
Ending this pain and worry
With escape to break free
Expectations so high
My older siblings are flying
In their careers
Doctors and engineers
I’m expected
To go higher

Maintain the tradition
To succeed in education
Qualifications
Job applications
Working hard
Lots of money
Fame and success
Is everything
Getting married
Having kids
Retirement
And that’s the end!

That’s the plan my parents got
But I find my mind
Thinking and asking
Is their more to life than this?
Following the society
or following my Creator?

Where does happiness and success lie?
This life or the next?
You decide.

Exams can be retaken
But if I waste my life
Will I get the chance to come back and re-take?

It’s that time of year
When I’m full of fear
Scared and unable to sleep
I keep these thoughts near
Afraid to share
Or show my fears

Revising hard
Like it’s a bigger fard
Than following Islam
Which keeps me calm
My final exams are nigh
End of an era
But my mind is full of terror

Grade eleven
Final year
Have to do well
A few A*'s and maybe
A couple of A's
That is If I’m lucky
If not how do I tell my family
That I failed miserably?

My mum crying
My dad staring
Into space
With an empty face
Sombre dark frame of mind
Takes hold like somebody died
I let down the family
What will people say?
Relatives boasting
Their kids done outstanding
Whilst my parents hide their shame
In isolation
Holding me for the blame

My life aint worth living
And I think about myself deeply
I think about suicide
Ending this pain and worry
With escape to break free
Expectations so high
My older siblings are flying
In their careers
Doctors and engineers
I’m expected
To go higher

Maintain the tradition
To succeed in education
Qualifications
Job applications
Working hard
Lots of money
Fame and success
Is everything
Getting married
Having kids
Retirement
And that’s the end!

That’s the plan my parents got
But I find my mind
Thinking and asking
Is their more to life than this?
Following the society
or following my Creator?

Where does happiness and success lie?
This life or the next?
You decide.

Exams can be retaken
But if I waste my life
Will I get the chance to come back and re-take?