Jolly Cow

Leather Lingeries

2008-12-22T13:08:00.000-08:00

Any woman would agree that wearing leather makes her feel special. Then what’s stopping you ladies out there from wearing leather lingerie? If you don’t know where to find these sensual leather lingerie, Flirty Lingerie is the site to search. They offer you a wide range of leather lingerie which range from leather bras to leather garter belts. You can select from a huge collection of leather panties, leather thongs, leather G-strings, leather corsets and leather teddies. These leather lingerie make you feel seductive, flirty and desirable. Most women prefer leather lingerie because it is really comfortable and it looks and feels sexy on them.

Flirty Lingerie gives you varieties of lingerie to choose from. They have multiple collections of leather teddies like leather teddies, sexy leather teddy, and teddy bodysuits. These teddies are available in soft and supple black leather and are a variety of lingerie every woman craves for. These teddies are available with straps, buckles, lace and as full bodysuits. They also provide a range of open bust teddies which are very enticing. They have leather bikini teddies, teddies with chains and teddies with suspenders in leather.

Lingerie is a necessity for any woman young and old. I’m sure every woman would want to look alluring and tempting for her lover/husband. Wearing this sexy leather lingerie is a definite way to do exactly that. The Flirty Lingerie provides a lot more than just flirty lingerie. It can guarantee to give you a wardrobe you can be proud of. Corsets, garter belts, suspenders, buckles, straps or open busts, anything you name, and you can have it all in leather. Apart from giving you a rich wardrobe, it also makes you look and feel sexy. Coveted in large amongst the women of today who deserve the best because they are the best, this leather lingerie is surely an essentiality.

inLinks

2008-11-22T16:23:00.000-08:00

Fun:Sardarji caught in a Shipwreck

2008-06-16T23:53:00.001-07:00

A Sardarji was travelling in a ship carrying lot of sheep and a
watchdog. A watchdog's duty is to look after the sheep and protect
them from dangers and strangers. The Sardarji had bought the sheeps
and dog for a cheap price from Australia and returning to Punjab to
raise them. Suddenly, the ship was caught in a cyclone in the middle
of the sea and it drowned.

By catching a broken wood, our Sardarji managed to reach a nearby
island. With him, one sheep and the watchdog also came to the island
one by one. Our Sardarji used to spend time with the sheep and
watchdog every evening..they will go for a walk and sit and watch the
sunset.

After so many lonely days, the sheep started looking 'attractive' to
our man. One evening, the sea breeze was very pleasant, after a
beautiful sunset, the starry night gave a romantic feel to our
Sardarji.

So, on this evening, the Sardarji leaned over to the sheep and ..put
his arm around it.

But, the watchdog looked and barked fiercely and our Sardarji could
not make any romantic move to the sheep. It went on for few evenings.
Sardarji tried many ways to distract the watchdog, but nothing worked.

On another beautiful day, another ship caught in cyclone and this
time, a beautiful, lovely looking lady washed up on the same island.

She also joined the three members (Sardarji , dog and sheep) for the
evening walks. On one evening, our Sardarji got the same romantic
feeling. He looked at the girl passionately. The girl looked at
Sardarji and said, 'how can I help you?'.

Sardarji after hearing those words from the girl, without controlling
his joy asked,

'Can you please take this dog for a walk?'

Send Corporate Gifts to your Customers

2008-06-16T20:18:00.000-07:00

Gifts are loved by everyone. Sending a gift is a better way to tell someone that you think about them and love them. Sending gifts to loved ones is an age-old tradition dating back to history as early as Adam and Eve’s time. The art of gifting and the importance of sending gifts is being neglected by people. Everyone would like to receive gifts but no one is ready to present gifts to someone. The common excuse that everyone tells is that they do not have time to run around the shops and buy a gift for their loved ones. With so many Internet services and online shops available, it is possible for anyone to buy things sitting at their desk and ship to a friend who may live anywhere in the world.

Day by day, many customers are choosing to shop online because, it not only saves time but they can easily search for a gift and compare it’s prices across various online stores instantly. If you need to search for a product in the real world, you need to step into at least 10 stores that may not even have the item in stock. There are better deals available online and it is easy to ship to a doorstep and you can track your gift until it reaches your loved ones. Gift Tree is one such online shop where you can buy gifts and send them to your loved ones. Going on step further, Gift Tree helps you in sending corporate gifts – it helps corporations and firms to send gifts to their customers. As every corporate firm strives hard to get hold of their customers, it is a nice thing to send small gifts to their loyal customers. Gift Tree specializes in eliminating all your hassles by taking care of the entire gifting process. You need to provide the addresses of recipients and the costs to Gift Tree and everything will be taken care by them. Gift Tree houses a wide range of premium quality gifts that include wine baskets, fruit, flower baskets and personalized gifts that may be branded with your business name before sending to your customers. I would highly recommend you to look at Gift Tree for fulfilling your corporate gift management. Gift Tree has a beautifully designed, easy-to-navigate website that guides you to choose a gift based on your preferences and price range.

Funny Telegrams

2008-06-09T17:34:00.001-07:00

TELEGRAM #1

A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as:

"father, your daughter has been successful in BED."

************ ***

TELEGRAM #2

A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here."

The message received by wife: "I wish you were her."

************ ***

TELEGRAM #3

A wife with near maturing pregnan! Cy goes to railway station to return to her husband.

At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket.

Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as:

"Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady."

************ ***

TELEGRAM #4

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake.

The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.

Well he thinks for a while and says:

Let's put, "you are not getting older you are getting better".

The salesman asks, "How do you want me to put it?"

The man says, Well put "You are not getting older", at the top and "! You are getting better" at the bottom.

The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake:

"You are not getting older at the top, you are getting better at the bottom".

************ ***

TELEGRAM #5

A man from Agra went to Ajmer. His wife was in her parent's house in Delhi .

When the man went to Ajmer, he asked his servant to send a telegram to his wife indicating about his trip to Ajmer.

He sent a telegram. When the wife received the telegram, she fainted.

It was written:

'Sethji aaj mar ! Gaye! (Sethji Ajmer gaye )

************ ***

Beautiful Paintings

2008-03-01T01:03:00.000-08:00

Best Friends Gallery and Quotes

2008-02-08T06:06:00.000-08:00

Old Calcutta Photos circa 1945

2008-02-08T06:04:00.000-08:00

The Love Offer Letter

2008-02-03T11:11:00.003-08:00

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday). With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up! to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment
would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,
Romeo

The Love Offer Letter

2008-02-03T11:11:00.001-08:00

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,
Romeo

The touching love story

2008-02-02T09:08:00.001-08:00

One of the most touching love story I've read in a while..
From the very beginning, girl's family objected strongly on her dating
this guy, saying that it has got to do with family background, & that
the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be
with him.

Due to family's pressure, the couple quarreled very often. Though the
girl loved the guy deeply, she always asked him: "How deep is your
love for me?"

As the guy is not good with his words, this often caused the girl to be
very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the gal often vents her
anger on him. As for him.. he only endured it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further
his studies overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the gal: "I'm not
very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow
me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family,
I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?"

The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave
in & agreed to let them get married. So before he left, they got
engaged.

The gal went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas,
continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone
calls. Though it was hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the gal was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a
car that lost control. When she woke up, she saw her parents beside her
bed. She realized that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum cry, she
wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of
her mouth was just a sigh. She had lost her voice....

The doctor says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her
voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out
from her, she broke down. During the stay in hospital, besides silent
cry.. It's still just silent cry that accompanied her. Upon reaching
home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of
the phone which pierced into her heart everytime it rang. She does not
wish to let the guy know & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote
a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer.

With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent
millions & millions of reply and countless phone calls.. all the gal
could do besides crying is still crying.... The parents decided to move
away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.
With a new environment, the gal learnt sign language & started a new
life.

Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her
friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let
him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of
him.

A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing an
invitation card for the guy's wedding. The gal was shattered. When she
opened the letter, she saw her name on it instead. When she was about to
ask her friend what was going on, she saw the guy standing in front of
her....

He used sign language to tell her, "I've spent a year to learn sign
language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let
me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You." With that, he slipped
the ring back into her finger. The gal finally smiled......
Treat every relationship as if it's the last one, then you'll know how
to Give.

Treat every moment as if it's the last day, then you'll know how to
Treasure.

Treasure what you have right now, or else you may regret one day..

OLD AGE MAN meets FROG PRINCESS Joke

2008-02-02T03:45:00.001-08:00

A guy is 81 years old and loves to fish. He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, " Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, " Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.

Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll then give you more s@xual pleasure that you ever could have dreamed of."

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will l give you s@xual pleasures like you have never had."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

Strict advice for Fitness

2008-01-31T15:44:00.001-08:00

An obese blonde with unhealthy overweight, went to Doctor.

Her doctor put her on a diet with strict advise. " I want you to eat regularly for two days and then skip a day. I want you to repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds. "Wow, this is amazing!" the doctor said, "So you did follow my instructions?"

The blonde nodded yes. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."

"From hunger, you mean?" The Doctor asked.

"No, from skipping", The Blonde explained .

How to Get a Perfect Job Locally

2008-01-30T01:38:00.001-08:00

Whenever you’re not certain wherever to begin searching a job, but you’re genuinely serious about discovering one locally, well you’re not alone because there are 1000s jobless in the United States. Nonetheless if you recognize where to search it is often more simplified.

Where can you find employers? How can you find your desired local job?

Let us begin by determining your skills and accomplishments prior to you starting a job search. Prepare to complete employment applications and get your CV ready and waiting. There’s numerous means to discover local jobs.

Job centers provide numerous vacancies for different kinds of work. Majority of job centers update their employment board frequently.

Originally, these career centers cater to young jobseekers up to 21 years old. They arrange for appropriate job interviews, which they believe, would match your skills and abilities. Some job centers also process training vacancies and apprenticeships to young people. Today, these centers also cater adults’ need of employment.

Another way to discover current job postings and advertisements is through the use of local and national newspapers to find what’s available. To find several recent job openings go to your local library and take a look at the employment classifieds.

If you want to stay home then just check open job listing online. You can take a look at the positions you prefer and go through them one at a time.

Ordinarily nearly most career fields would have their own journals, magazines or periodicals. Many hiring employers are now using these publications seeking professionals. You are able to subscribe to these periodicals or buy them at a newsstand. Whenever you’re looking to begin off your career that’s supported by your academic degree or background, you ought to register to professional publishing’s to increase chances getting a good job.

Using an employment agency is another way to find local job openings in a wide variety of industries. You will find most employment agencies listed in your telephone directory.

Job vacancies can also be found at the employer’s human resource department. Some companies actually don’t advertise in newspapers and only use internal notices for open positions. So why not go visit some companies and request a current list of employment vacancies.

The most cost-effective way in finding local jobs is through the internet. Majority of employment agencies, newspapers, top companies, magazines and job centers have their own website. You could save time by searching through them one by one and apply for the job you prefer the most.

Being resourceful and utilizing the options presented here will save you time in search for work. Using all of these ideas will improve your chances of finding employment.

Now that you know more about career hunting and what you can do to increase your chances of discovering a better career, why not begin hunting for careers online at our job search engine.

Article republished from Copy & Paste Articles

The Story of Bran Muffins

2008-01-29T05:35:00.001-08:00

The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years.

Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods ( LOTS of bran muffins for their fiber) and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.

'What are the greens fees?', grumbled the old man.

'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.

'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man 'This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.

'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?' he asked.

'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'

The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'

'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.

'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'

'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!

15 PIECES OF ADVICE FOR WOMAN

2008-01-28T22:25:00.001-08:00

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies.

**********

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

**********

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

**********

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

**********

5. Go for the younger man. You might as well, they never mature anyway.

**********

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

**********

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

**********

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

**********

9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

**********

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

**********

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

**********

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

**********

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him cheque books .

**********

14. Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

**********

15. Sadly, all men are created equal!

**********

21 Rules of Life

2008-01-27T13:23:00.000-08:00

1. Marry the right person . This one decision will determine 90% of your happiness or misery.

*********

2. Work at something you enjoy and that's worthy of your time and talent.

*********

3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

*********

4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

*********

5. Be forgiving of yourself and others.

*********

6. Be generous.

*********

7. Have a grateful heart.

*********

8. Persistence, persistence, persistence.

*********

9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary.

*********

10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.

*********

11. Commit yourself to constant improvement.

*********

12. Commit yourself to quality.

*********

13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige, but on relationship with people you love and respect.

*********

14. Be loyal.

*********

15. Be honest.

*********

16. Be a self-starter.

*********

17. Be decisive even it it means you'll sometimes be wrong.

*********

18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.

*********

19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.

*********

20. Take good care of those you love.

*********

21. Don't do anything that wouldn't make your Mom proud.

*********

What are Novelty Buttons?

2008-01-22T22:37:00.001-08:00

If anyone has spent any amount of time on fashion sites or watched fashion shows on network news, they may have noticed a tiny addition to the outfits. Buttons. And I don't mean the kind that button up a shirt or dress. I mean graphic funny colorful buttons that often match the clothing. Why buttons? They are fun. They are inexpensive, they they tell a powerful message. They help with self-expression.

By Alexa Ferotina

If anyone has spent any amount of time on fashion sites or watched fashion shows on network news, they may have noticed a tiny addition to the outfits. Buttons. And I don’t mean the kind that button up a shirt or dress. I mean graphic funny colorful buttons that often match the clothing. Why buttons? They are fun. They are inexpensive, they they tell a powerful message. They help with self-expression.

As a child of Woodstock, we felt that expressing ourselves, our feelings, our needs, was the most important thing. We actually had that part right, we simply did not know how to reach that goal. We left it to psuedo-gurus like Timothy Leary.

I believe The Beatles and other British originals influenced us a great deal which led us to believe we were being original by growing our hair long or braided, and the gratuitous ragged peace sign tshirt was usually the main attire.

Of course we were original in some ways. We did learn to question authority, which, until that time, was considered almost a diety in our culture. And that was probably a good thing. It helped end a war we might have fared better to end much earlier. Again, we were finding our way and learning to express ourselves. We did it mainly with loud music, drugs, and dressing differently. I love going to the park with my dog, wearing a dog cartoon button and matching tshirt and cap. Never has someone not mentioned it, usually another dog lover and thanks to a silly button, I’ve made a new friend with similar interests.

Life has changed so dramatically from when I was young. We live in a world where it is very easy to lose one’s voice. We are constantly re-inventing ourselves. We can make that process easier, oddly enough, with a button. I have a collection of about forty and about 20 or so matching tshirts and caps. A lot of people tell me they get up in the morning just to see what my combination will be.

It is a rare social or business get-together when the question of “What’s your URL?” does not come up.

We are still all social animals, though, and have a need to interact beyond the computer screen.

I love the buttons and matching merchandise at RickLondonCollection.Com. I think it is that they contain hilarious cartoons by the owner Rick London and they mix and match very well. And, being theme-oriented, they make for great conversation pieces. I have bouth a lot of other items there as well from cartoon wall clocks to aprons. It is a very unique store.

There are a million ways to express oneself but the most fun way is with funny buttons, tees, and caps and matching tshirts and caps Hilarious T Shirts

Get free content for your website at Copy & Paste Articles

Two Choices for Success

2008-01-17T02:36:00.001-08:00

It’s really very simple. There are two Choices if you want to be successful.

You’ve probably heard it said before that there are many different strategies for success, that there’s not only one path, there are many.

And this is 100% true.

So you must be saying OK Ray, have you lost your mind!

Which is it, many paths or just two!

Well, there are many strategies but only two basic choices when it comes to being succesful.There so simple it’s ridiculous.

Either you act or you don’t.

It’s that simple. Either you’re a talker or a doer.

Nothing takes the place of action. Nothing.

When i go to marketing or self improvement seminars I see tons of people taking notes, writing frantically and then never do anything with the amazing information being presented.

I’ve even been told by some of these people that the’ re hoping that they’ll act on this info instead of letting the notes collect dust.

Now to be fair, everybody has been in this place in one or more areas in life at any given time.

I’ve been there.

Many times!

It’s a painful place to be, searching for the one thing that will be the “answer” or “secret” that will be the way to success.

Meanwhile, that one thing has been inside of you all along.

It isn’t out there somewhere.

So before you try the next big thing that will give you more money or more business try this simple formula :

The next time you read a book, listen to a tape or attend a seminar pick one strategy even if it’s a a small one, and apply it right away!

Don’t wait and don’t try anything else until you achieved a certain benefit from the strategy.

Get really good at it.

In fact, master it.

Just one area.

For instance, if you have a Internet business and it’s Internet marketing you want to master pick one technique for getting traffic to your web site.

Say it’s article writing and submission.Just keep learning everything you possibly can and start writing and submitting until you get consistent positive results. To the point you don’t have to think it about it. It just becomes automatic.

At this point. you’re ready to get good at another traffic technique, and before you know it you’re mastering several ways to get traffic and you’re business is thriving.

Even if you took action for a year and nothing happened you’ll learn a heck of a lot. And the next year will be ten times better, and before you know it you’ll be reaching your goals instead of talking about them.

And, the best part is, when you develop the habit of action, success become easier.

All because you made the choice to take action, pick an area and master it.

So which type of person are you?

You can change it in any given moment.With a little initiative, focus and persistence, this simple strategy will no doubt improve your results and you’ll be more successful in any area of your life.

Ray Miller is a self improvement expert and coach. He teaches and inspires people in all walks of life, how to achieve ultimate success and fufillment. To get his FREE report, 5 Simple Steps to Ultimate Success, just go to: http://successtipsdaily.com/ .

Get free content for your website at Copy & Paste Articles

Funny Computer Program Code

2008-01-16T04:38:00.001-08:00

CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
@ BrideGroom Char(NotBad) ,
@ Bride Char(Good)
AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM india_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND CarCount > 2 AND HouseStatus
='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus= 'B.TECH or BE or Degree or MCA or MBA' AND
HavingBrothers= 'NO' AND HavingSisters ='No'
AND AllowRelocate ='YES'
SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalance FROM FatherInLaw
UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents +
FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW')
END
GO

Then the wife writes the below query:

DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;

Broken English

2008-01-15T05:04:00.001-08:00

In Tamilnadu, there is a well known person by name, Mr. Jeppier;
Chairman of Sathyabama deemed university and some more self financing
colleges, always speaks in English. That college students have
collected & published a book by name "Jappier's Spoken English"

.... Njoy ...........with his......... .....English. ......... ....

Now, here are some classic English sentences from the great
"Jappier's
Spoken English"

# At the ground:
------------ -----
All of you stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon.
The girl with the mirror please comes her...{Means: girl with specs
please come here).

# To a boy, angrily:
------------ ---------
I talk, he talk, why you middle middle talk?

# While punishing students:
------------ --------- --
You, rotate the ground four times...
You, go and understand the tree...
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO .....(?)

# While addressing students about Dress Code: (he is very strict abt
this )
------------ --------- --
Every body should wear dress to college
Boys no proplum
Girls are pig proplum . (pig=big)
Girls should wear only slawar no nitee.
Girls should not wear T sirt ,U shirt,V shirt.. but if you want to
wear .... remove it when inside the campus and put it oout side the
campus

# Sir at his best inside the Class room:
------------ --------- --------- --------- -------
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
You, meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
This one is cool >> "Both of u three get out of the class."
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose
today...
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....

Last but not the least some Jeppiar experiences ...

Once Sir had come late to a college function, by the time he reached,
the function had begun, so he went to the dais, and said, sorry I am
late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).

At Sathyabama college day 2002:

"This college strict u the worry no .... U get good marks, I the
happy, tomorrow u get good job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry I the
enjoy"

At St. Josephs college of engineering fresh years day 2003:

"No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police "

Interview with a Cartoonist

2008-01-12T05:34:00.001-08:00

Being funny is not necessarily something with which someone is born. No, it does not hurt, but it it can prevent some major hurdles. In a nutshell, before one even thinks about trying to become funny, that is, if they are naturally not funny, is to learn about editing, and the fact that other people want the punch line and want it fast.

To be honest, growing up, I thought I was a bit of a shy slug and I don’t think I was that far off. Being funny was the last thing on my mind, though I do remember now and then trying to impress my female classmates with some bad attempts at humor.

Though humor is subjective, it is also quick. Nobody has time to listen to a life story before getting to a punch line. Any humorist, no matter what their genre knows that being brief is being professional. Tell the joke or create the cartoon or one liner or whatever the venue, and get on to the next.

I considered Shakespeare’s famous line, “Brevity is the soul of wit”. Even then, he had the insight to know that people’s attention spans are short. Sure, they want to hear your joke or funny story, but they also have other things on their mind. Even if they think something is funny, if it is long-winded, and takes too much of their time, they may consider you “funny”, but chances are they won’t come back for more of your humor.

Consider the cartoonist and humor writer. That would be me. I created a single panel cartoon called Londons Times Cartoons in 1997. I based it on the Shakesperian theory that humor was and is the soul of wit. No long drawn out captions. Sometimes no captions at all. The picture would tell the story. It was an experiment. It was off the wall. That year, I posted less than a hundred cartoons on my website. Though I had thought of many others, those were the ones that past the litany test of “what is funny” to me.

Ten years later I have one of the most visited cartoon sites on the Internet and over 8500 single panel cartoons. So how did it all happen? It was a process, doc.

I don’t think there is just one road toward making something like that happen. In my case, it was mainly listening to other people whom I felt were funny, reading autobiographies of funny persons, and studying humor. I watched sitcoms. I went to funny movies. I noticed one-liners in real life were really not much different than one liners in a cartoon.

I liked what I heard and it was easy to repeat. Instant value.

Another element of “being funny” at least in the marketplace is to find one’s niche or voice. Sometimes that can take time. A lot of time. In my case, I tried stand-up comedy, acting and other such venues for a number of years. The problem was that I didn’t understand the art well and was not able to perfect it to the degree to which I wanted.

So I tried writing, and I finally settled for cartooning. I had read the late great Charles Schulz’s autobiography in which he said the reason he went into cartooning is because he couldn’t do much else very well. That was the story of my life. If it is the story of yours, it is never to late to develop your sense of humor. Listen, read, learn, and have a leap of faith....and oh, and don’t be afraid to look foolish. They may just laugh at you yet.

To see the huge body of creative panel comics created by Rick London and his team, point your browser Funny Cartoon Site, and Cartoon Archive

Get free content for your website at Copy & Paste Articles

The Story of Butch O' Hare

2008-01-02T14:16:00.003-08:00

During the course of World War II, many people gained fame in one
way or another. One man was Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot
assigned to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific. One time his entire
squadron was assigned to fly a particular mission. After he was
airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone had
forgotten to top off his fuel tank. Because of this, he would not have
enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship.

His flight leader told him to leave formation and return. As he was
returning to the mother ship, he could see a squadron of Japanese
Zeroes heading toward the fleet to attack. And with all the fighter
planes gone, the fleet was almost defenceless. His was the only
opportunity to distract and divert them. Single-handily, he dove into
the formation of Japanese planes and attacked them. The American
fighter planes were rigged with cameras, so that as they flew and
fought, pictures were taken so pilots could learn more about the
terrain, enemy manoeuvres, etc.

Butch dove at them and shot until all his ammunition was gone, then
he would dive and try to clip off a
wing or tail or anything that would make the enemy planes unfit to fly.
He did anything he could to keep them from reaching the American
ships. Finally, the Japanese squadron took off in another direction,
and Butch O' Hare and his fighter, both badly shot up, limped back to
the carrier. He told his story, but not until the film from the camera on
his plane was developed, did they realize the extent he really went to,
to protect his fleet. He was recognized as a hero and given one of the
nation's highest military honours. And as you may know, O'Hare
Airport was named after him.

Prior to this time in Chicago, there was a man called Easy Eddie. He
was working for a man Al Capone. Al Capone wasn't famous for
anything heroic, but he was notorious for the murders he'd committed
and the illegal thing's he'd done. Easy Eddie was Al Capone's lawyer
and he was very good. In fact, because of his skill, he was able to
keep Al Capone out of jail. To show his appreciation, Al Capone paid
him very well. He not only earned big money, he would get extra
things, like a residence that filled an entire Chicago city block.

The house was fenced, and he had live-in help and all of the
conveniences of the day. Easy Eddie had a son. He loved his son
and gave him all the best things while he was growing up, - clothes,
cars, and a good education. And, because he loved his son he tried
to teach him right from wrong. But one thing he couldn't give his son
was a good name, and a good example. Easy Eddie decided that this
was much more important than all the riches he had given him. So, he
went to the authorities in order to rectify the wrong he had done.

In order to tell the truth, it meant he must testify against Al Capone, and
he knew that Al Capone would do his best to have him killed. But he
wanted most of all to try to be an example and to do the best he could
to give back to his son, a good name. So he testified. Within the year,
he was shot and killed on a lonely street in Chicago. These sound like
two unrelated stories, but Butch O'Hare was Easy Eddie's son.

The Story of Butch O' Hare

2008-01-02T14:16:00.001-08:00

The Story of a Zen Master

2008-01-01T14:16:00.001-08:00

When the great Sufi mystic, Hasan, was dying, somebody asked
"Hasan, who was your master?"

He said, "I had thousands of masters. If I just relate their names it will
take months, years and it is too late. But three masters I will certainly
tell you about.

One was a thief. Once I got lost in the desert, and when I reached a
village it was very late, everything was closed. But at last I found one
man who was trying to make a hole in the wall of a house. I asked
him where I could stay and he said 'At this time of night it will be
difficult, but you can stay with me - if you can stay with a thief'. And
the man was so beautiful. I stayed for one month! And each night he
would say to me, 'Now I am going to my work. You rest, you pray.'
When he came back I would ask 'Could you get anything?' He would
say, 'Not tonight. But tomorrow I will try again, God willing.'

He was never in a state of hopelessness, he was always happy. When I was
meditating and meditating for years on end and nothing was
happening, many times the moment came when I was so desperate,
so hopeless, that I thought to stop all this nonsense. And suddenly I
would remember the thief who would say every night, 'God willing,
tomorrow it is going to happen.'

And my second master was a dog. I was going to the river, thirsty and
a dog came. He was also thirsty. He looked into the river, he saw
another dog there -- his own image -- and became afraid. He would
bard and run away, but his thirst was so much that he would come
back. Finally, despite his fear, he just jumped into the water, and the
image disappeared. And I knew that a message had come to me from
God: one has to jump in spite of all fears.

And the third master was a small child. I entered a town and a child
was carrying a lit candle. He was going to the mosque to put the
candle there. 'Just joking,' I asked the boy, 'have you lit the candle
yourself?' He said, 'Yes sir.' And I asked, 'There was a moment when
the candle was unlit, and then there was a moment when the candle
was lit. Can you show me the source from which the light came?' And
the boy laughed, blew out the candle, and said, 'Now you have seen
the light going. Where has it gone? You will tell me!' My ego was
shattered; my whole knowledge was shattered. And that moment I felt
my own stupidity. Since then I dropped all my knowledge ability.
It is true that I had no master. That does not mean that I was not a
disciple -- I accepted the whole existence as my master.

"My Disciple hood was a greater involvement than yours is.
I trusted the clouds, the trees.
I trusted existence as such.
I had no master because I had millions of masters
I learned from every possible source.
To be a disciple is a must on the path.

What does it mean to be a disciple?
It means to be able to learn, to be available to learn,
to be vulnerable to existence.

With a master you start learning to learn.

The master is a swimming pool where you can learn how to
swim. Once you have learned, all the oceans are yours."

Selfishness Destructs You

2008-01-01T02:10:00.001-08:00

Once upon a time there lived a Bharunda, a bird with two heads. One day it found a strange fruit on the seashore. It picked it up and started eating it. The head that was feeding, exclaimed, "Many a sweet fruit tossed by the sea have I eaten, but this beats them all! Is it the fruit of a sandalwood tree or that of the divine parijata?"

Hearing this, the other head asked to taste the fruit, but the first head refused, saying, "We have a common stomach, so there's no need for you to eat it too. I'll give it to our sweetheart, the Bharundi," and with that, it tossed the half-eaten fruit to the female.

From that day on, the second head carried a grudge against the first and waited for an opportunity to take revenge. One day it found a poison fruit. Picking up the fruit, it said to the first head, "You selfish wretch! See, here's a poison fruit and I'm going to eat it!"

"Don't do that, you fool!" shrieked the first head, "you'll kill us both!"

But the second head would not listen. It consumed the poison and soon the two-headed bird was dead.

â"A tale from the Panchatantra

How to write Employee Recommendation Letters

2007-12-30T16:18:00.001-08:00

Have to write a letter of recommendation for that fired employee?
Here are a few suggested phrases:

For the chronically absent:
"A man like him is hard to find."
"It seemed her career was just taking off."

For the office drunk:
"I feel his real talent is wasted here."
"We generally found him loaded with work to do."
"Every hour with him was a happy hour."

For an employee with no ambition:
"He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in."
"You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you."
"He consistently achieves the low standards he sets for himself."

For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled:
"I can assure you that no person would be better for the job."

For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate:
"I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment."
"All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly."

For a stupid employee:
"There is nothing you can teach a man like him."
"I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever."

For a dishonest employee:
"Her true ability was deceiving."
"He's an unbelievable worker."

How boys woe girls in Orkut

2007-12-29T15:17:00.001-08:00

1. hi nice pictures ...u in tat saree.try wearin a white or Red saree u will look amazing..bye ...tc..do reply me

2. Hi. U look really awesome in the Photo and inside in the album in Saree. u look lik a tradional angel. i hav crossed ur profile once bfore, found intersting woman. can i b a part of ur friendship circle yar

3. hi!!!!!!!!!this is mani 4rm chennai!!!!!!
int in bein ma friend then jus giv me a scrap dood!!!
well ab me!!!!I can sya that..........its upto ya !!!!B ma freind and know abt me dood!!!!!

4. hello girlie!!!!!how r things wid u???am an engg guy who's IGNORING BOOKS and trying 2 orkut wid u...how abt uuuuuu???

5. Hi,how r u......ur so cute!!!!more if ur in my friends list!!!!will u!!!

6. U looking Mallika Sheravathi looking Imran aasmiCome let us murder the world

7. hey annikku Ravi yoda b'day party la Krishna voda vandha Janani yoda school friend Ramya voda boy friend Sriram voda girl friend Anitha voda class mate Vanitha dhaaney nee???Hi..

8.Hi!if u retain this scrap I will understand that you are interested in meandif u delete this scrap, it means you are dreaming about me.Now u decide wat to do

9. hi,the numerical value of L+O+V+E=54 but the numerical value of F+R+I+E+N+S+H+I+P= 10854+54= 108 LOVE+LOVE= FRIENDSHIP so friendship is two times greater than love.............so will u be my friend ?

10.heyyy gal,Barcelona hav won the champions league finals!hurraaaayyyy!!!! come on lets be friends....

11 .generally i never scrap to unknown ones but this pic just caught my eye...awesome pic gal.kalakita po.. lol

12. hi niki.. well can i expect a scrap back from ya..well thought u are a person who can read and write... is it true.,... ?

13.If u add me in ur list ill make ur life more pleasant and colorful...watsay?scrap me bak if u wannna be ma friend!

14.Scrap- Eyy black beauty,how are you so fair???If you don't add me its very unfair...

15.Nice face, sexy smile, beautiful Eyes, Lustful Lips....Overall stunning effect...But Miss Do i know you??? Dont embarass me by saying-u dont know me..ya i know u dont know me.. but who bothers??come on-add me as friend..am waiting 2 b ur fan...

Kids Jokes

2007-12-29T04:16:00.001-08:00

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"

A three-year old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens. "how did you know?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom.

A father was helping one of his little twins say his evening prayers. "Bless us to be good so we can return unto Thee." "Bless us to be good so we can turn on the TV."

Another three-year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom. I KNOW they're my feet."

Fun:20 Tips for Women (To understand Men)

2007-12-28T09:16:00.001-08:00

1. Never do housework. No man ever loved a woman because the house was spotless.

2. Remember: you are known by the idiot you accompany.

3. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

4. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

5. So many men - so many reasons not to date any of them.

6. If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all there.

7. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.

8. Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.

9. Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway.

10. Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

11. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

12. Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

13. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

14. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

15. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

16. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

17. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

18. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

19. Sadly, all men are created equal.

20. When he asks you if he's your first date, tell him "You may be, you look familiar. "

My son is mischiveous

2007-12-27T15:15:00.000-08:00

MAN 2 ANOTHER MAN:"BOYS R GETTING VERY MISCHIEVOUS DESE DAYS"
OTHER 1:"HMM......U R RITE"
FIRST MAN:"DO U'VE A SON??"
ANOTHER MAN:"YES"
FIRST:HE SURELY DO SUMTHING MISCHIEVOUS???
ANOTHER:"NOO!!"
FIRST:"HE SURELY DO SMOKING??"
ANOTHER:"NO"
FIRST:"HE SURELY CRACK DA WINDOWS OF NEIGHBOURS BY THROWING BALSS??"
ANOTHER:"NO"
FIRST:"WAT A GUD BOY IS UR SON!!!"
ANOTHER:"YEAH...HE SURE IS"
FIRST:"BTW WAT IS THE AGE OF UR SON?"
ANOTHER:"HE IS JUST OF 2 MONTHS!!"

Big John doesn't pay

2007-12-26T16:10:00.001-08:00

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus,and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops-a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.

The next day the same thing happened-Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger and screamed, "And why not?"

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

Moral of the story:
"Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one."

Kid's Joke

2007-12-26T01:10:00.001-08:00

To return the next day to tell their stories.

In the classroom the next day, Joe gave his example
First, " My dad is a farmer and we have chickens. One
Day we were taking lots of eggs to market in a basket
On the front seat of the truck when we hit a big bump
In the road; the basket fell off the seat and all the
Eggs broke. The moral of the story is not to put all
Your eggs in one basket.."

" Very good," said the teacher.

Next, Mary said, " We are farmers too. We had twenty
Eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got
Ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count
Your chickens before they're hatched .."

" Very good," said the teacher again, very pleased with
The response so far.

Next it was Barney's turn to tell his story: " My dad
Told me this story about my Aunt Karen.... Aunt Karen
Was a flight engineer in the war and her plane got
Hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all
She had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a
Machete."

" Go on," said the teacher, intrigued.

" Aunt Karen drank the whiskey on the way down to
Prepare herself; then she landed right in the middle
Of a hundred enemy soldiers. She killed seventy of
Them with the machine gun until she ran out of
Bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete
Till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten
With her bare hands."

" Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What did
Your father say was the moral of that frightening
Story?"

"Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's drunk"

Ten Tips to Stay Young Forever

2007-12-25T03:48:00.001-08:00

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and
height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts,
gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the
devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person
who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are
alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family,
pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your
refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is
unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9 Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the
next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every
opportunity.

11. Keep thanking God every moment that he made for us to enjoy (Special thanks to Tanushree!)

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
moments that take our breath away.

You gotta love Kids!

2007-12-24T05:20:00.001-08:00

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees
home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster
the boss asked," Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked," Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again
the small voice whispered, "no".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home
alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person
who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone there
besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman". Wondering what a cop would be
doing at his employee's home, the boss asked "May I speak with the
policeman"?

"No, he's busy", whispered the child." Busy doing
what?, asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman",
came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is
that noise?"

A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on
there?", asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just
landed the hello-copper"

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss
asked, "Why are they there"?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle:

"They're looking for me"

Stay away from Aunty

2007-12-24T04:46:00.001-08:00

A teacher told her young class to ask their parents
For a family story with a moral at the end of it, and
To return the next day to tell their stories.

" Very good," said the teacher.

Next, Mary said, " We are farmers too. We had twenty
Eggs waiting to hatch, but when they did we only got
Ten chicks. The moral of this story is not to count
Your chickens before they're hatched .."

" Very good," said the teacher again, very pleased with
The response so far.

" Go on," said the teacher, intrigued.

" Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, " What did
Your father say was the moral of that frightening
Story?"

"Stay away from Aunt Karen when she's drunk"

Top 10 Signs that your Co-worker is a Computer Hacker

2007-12-24T01:08:00.001-08:00

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.

9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.

8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.

7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.

5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net"

4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.

3. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons

2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."

1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, jerk."

Watermelon Story

2007-12-23T01:07:00.001-08:00

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty
well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into
his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some
careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought
would scare the kids away for sure.

He made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day, the
kids show up and they saw the sign which read: "Warning! One
of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." The kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to
the farmer's sign. When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field.

He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to
his read: "Now there are two!"

Men are from Mars:A tale of two diaries

2007-12-21T15:06:00.001-08:00

HER DIARY

I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home, I told him that I loved him, but he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love
you too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and absent. Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I fell asleep. I do
not know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

***

HIS DIARY

Today India lost the cricket match again. DAMN IT.

Fun:Sardar's Watch

2007-12-20T07:03:00.001-08:00

A smart looking Sardarji was seen alightening from an Air India flight from US.

He was carrying two heavy stuffed suitcases and had a hard time walking
because of their weight. A Bihari, on look out for "foreign goods" , stalked the Sardarji and started a chat with him.

Bihari: " Sardarji, where are you coming from?"

Sardarji: "California"

Bihari: "Its so hot here , California must be nice ?"

Sardarji, put his suitcases down, pressed a few buttons on his watch and a cute looking girl appeared on the dial and told our Sardarji the temperature, wind velocity and humidity in California at that very moment.

"This is an internet accessing watch" explained the Sardarji "It has the very latest 5.6 Gigahertz processor and 4 GB RAM. What more , you can access the net from anywhere in the world ."

Thrilled the Bihari offered to buy the watch and a bargain was struck. Sardarji pocketed the money, handed over the watch to him and walked away.

"Sardarji " cried the Bihari "You have forgotten your two suitcases "

"I wont need them" replied the Sardarji "You can keep them now, they have the two modems you need to use with the watch !!!!"

Santa in Office

2007-12-19T15:02:00.001-08:00

Santa singh goes into work one morning crying his eyes out.

His boss, concerned about all his employees' well being, asked sympathetically,
"What's the matter?"

To which Santa replies:
"Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

The boss, feeling very sorry at this point, explains to him the following.
"Why don't you go home for the day.....we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

Santa very calmly states......"No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows Santa to work as usual...."if you need anything, just let me know."

Well, a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Santa. He looks out over Santa's office and sees him hysterically crying!! He rushes out to Santa, asking,

"What's the problem........anything wrong again??"

"No......" exclaims our beloved Santa. "I just got a call from my sister. She told me that HER mom died too!!"

Fun: Santa singh's Popularity

2007-12-18T05:02:00.000-08:00

Santa was bragging to his boss one day, "You know,
I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone,
anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called him bluff,
"OK, Santa how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom
and I are old friends, and I can prove it."

So Santa and boss fly out to Hollywood and knock
on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise,
shouts, "Santa! Great to see you! You and your
friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Santa's boss is still
skeptical.After they leave Cruise's house, he tells
Santa that he thinks his knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Santa says.
"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yes, I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, George W.
spots Santa on the tour and motions him and his boss
over, saying, "Santa, what a surprise, I was just on my
way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in
and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still
not totally convinced. After they leave the White
house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Santa, who
again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Santa. "My folks are from Poland,
and I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Santa and his boss are
assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when
Santa says, "This will never work. I can't catch the
Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I
know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and
I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And Santa disappears into the crowd headed toward
the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Santa
emerges with the Pope on the balcony. By the time
Santa returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart
attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Santa asks, "What
happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine
until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the
man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with
Santa Singh?"

All Sardarji Jokes

2007-12-18T01:00:00.001-08:00

After making a trip of South India , Santa Singh ,his wife and his son
were returning to punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Singh was
occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the
top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the
stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a
cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son
returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand hindi
had occupied his son's birth . Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and
asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand
Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole
situation to him in English. Santa Singh explained , " That man
sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

Marriage
ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY,
WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..
MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,
MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,
MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!
Three Engines

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city, the
captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has
failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour

longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty
minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and
the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we

can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain
announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed
another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine
left." A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and
remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Chinese
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills the birth certificate. "Mother:
Sikh. Father: Sikh. Kid: Chinese." "How come you write "Chinese" when
both parents are Sikh?" "
Aah, Sardarji read a newspaper, it said every 4th person born on the
Earth now is a Chinese."

House on Fire
Once a building caught fire and two guys and a sardar were trapped in
the balcony. On the ground, fire fighters caught hold of a net and
asked them to jump.
The first one jumped but the fire fighters removed the net and he was
killed. Then the other guy was asked to jump and again they removed
the net too soon and he was dead. Seeing all this, the sardar was furious and said: "You keep
the net on the ground and get away from it. I don't trust you.

Window
A sardar, a japanese, and a britisher were lost in the desert. They
were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had

nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they
continued their journey.

The japanese took the radiator, the britisher took the seat, and the
sardar took the door. After a while of walking the britisher asked the

japanese "I'm confused,why did you bring the radiator?" The japanese responded, "If I get thirsty,I can drink the fluid." Next the sardar asked the britisher "Why did you bring the seat?" So the britisher said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat." Finally the japanese asked

the sardar why he had chosen the door. The sardar quickly responded to
this question, "Well,when I shall feel the need to get some breeze in
this summer all have to do is roll down the window."

An Accountant Joke

2007-12-17T16:15:00.001-08:00

Santa wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test:

Tester: If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Santa : SEVEN!

Tester : No, listen carefully again. If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Santa : SEVEN!

Tester: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer, and two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of beer have you got?

Santa : SIX.

Tester : Good! Now, if I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

Santa : SEVEN!

Tester : How on Earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?

Santa : I've already got one rabbit at home.

Sardar Bhai MBBS

2007-12-16T12:59:00.001-08:00

Needless to say he never made it - Our beloved Sardarji!

Because these are the answers he gave for medical terms.

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - the study of fine paintings

Bacteria - back door to a cafeteria

Benign - what you be after you be eight

Bowel - letters like a,e,i,o,u

Caesarian Section - a district in Rome

Cardiology - advanced study of Poker playing

Cat Scan - searching for lost kitty

Chronic - neck of a crow

Coma - punctuation mark

Cortisone - area around local court

Cyst - short for sister

Diagnosis - person with slanted nose

Dilate - the late British Princess Diana

Dislocation - in this place

Duodenum - couple in blue jeans

Enema - not a friend

False Labor - pretending to work

Genes - blue denim

Groin - to mash to a pulp / smile

Hernia - she is close by

Hymen - greeting to several males

Impotent - distinguished / well-known

Labor Pain - hurt at work

Lactose - people without feet

Lymph - walk unsteadily

Menopause - I no wait

Microbes - small dressing gowns

Obesity - City of Obe

Pacemaker - winner of Nobel Peace Prize

Protein - in favor of teens

Pulse - grain

Pus - small cat

Red Blood Count - Dracula

Rupture - Ecstasy

Secretion - hiding anything

Subcutaneous - not cute enough

Suture - Gujrati for "what do you want"

Tablet - small table

Tumor - extra pair

Ultrasound - radical noise

Urine - opposite of you're out

Varicose - very close

Vas Deferens - extremely different

Vein - at what time?

Vitreous Humor - both witty & funny

Santa and Englishman

2007-12-16T00:57:00.001-08:00

Once a Hindu, a Muslim and our dear Santa were standing together. An englishman came up and asked, hey guys, what is your favourte flowers?

The Hindu replied, 'Lotus'
'Ha, I clean my shit with that!' the Englishman jeered

The Hindu got angry, the lotus being our national flower

The Muslim replied:'Chameli
'Ha I clean my shit with that!' The Englishman response

The Muslim also got angry but kept quite

The Englishman asked Santa, 'Sardarji, and what is your favourite flower?'
Patriotic Santa replied: 'Cactus! and replied Now clean your ass with that!

When Elvis met Saddam (PIC)

2007-12-07T06:25:00.001-08:00

After the Rain

2007-12-06T00:58:00.001-08:00

Whatever your cross,
whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine,
after the rain ....

Perhaps you may stumble,
perhaps even fall,
But God's always ready,
To answer your call ...

He knows every heartache,
sees every tear,
A word from His lips,
can calm every fear ...

Your sorrows may linger,
throughout the night,
But suddenly vanish,
in dawn's early light ...

The Savior is waiting,
somewhere above,
To give you His grace,
and send you His love...

Whatever your cross,
whatever your pain,
"God always sends rainbows ....
after the rain ... "

YOU ARE .......

2007-12-04T22:57:00.001-08:00

You are strong...
when you take your grief and teach it to smile.

You are brave...
when you overcome your fear and help others to do the same.

You are happy...
when you see a flower and are thankful for the blessing.

You are loving...
when your own pain does not blind you to the pain of others.

You are wise...
when you know the limits of your wisdom.

You are true...
when you admit there are times you fool yourself.

You are alive...
when tomorrow's hope means more to you than yesterday's mistake.

You are growing...
when you know what you are but not what you will become.

You are free...
when you are in control of yourself and do not wish to control others.

You are honorable...
when you find your honor is to honor others.

You are generous...
when you can take as sweetly as you can give.

You are humble...
when you do not know how humble you are.

You are thoughtful.. .
when you see me just as I am and treat me just as you are.

You are merciful...
when you forgive in others the faults you condemn in yourself.

You are beautiful...
when you don't need a mirror to tell you.

You are rich...
when you never need more than what you have.

You are you...
when you are at peace with who you are not.

Meaning of Friendship

2007-12-03T20:54:00.001-08:00

Do you know the relationship between two eyes..? They blink together,

They move together, they cry together, they see things together and

They sleep together BUT THEY NEVER SEE EACH OTHER.. that's what's friendship

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

But when a beautiful girl comes in front, one eye goes blink and the other remains open...

Moral of the story : Girls can break even the best of friendships.

The Story of a Boat and Wife

2007-12-02T22:51:00.001-08:00

They say the happiest days in life are the day you buy a boat and the day you sell it!! Well, here's a good boat story!!

Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-towner's who sank it. Joe spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening.

Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly. When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery. A kind old neighbour woman mistook him for John and said: 'I'm so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible.'

Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said: 'Hell no! Fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always holding water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle!'

The old woman fainted

Bad, Bad Email

2007-12-02T12:52:00.001-08:00

One day God was looking down at Earth & saw all of the misbehaving that was going on. So He called one of His Angels to go to earth for a time. When he returned, he told God ... "Yes it is bad on Earth, 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said "Maybe I had better send down another angel to get a second opinion."

So God called another angel and sent him to earth for a time. When the angel returned he went to go and said "Yes, its true. The earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are good."

God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were good, because He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them keep going.

Do you know what the email said?

No???????

Okay, just checkin' .. I didn't get one either.

Court Room Dramas

2007-12-01T22:50:00.001-08:00

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court. These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters whohad to bear the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent in particular the last one which may generically describe a lawyer

Q: What is your date of birth?

A: July fifteenth.

Q: What year?

A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

A: Yes.

Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?

A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.

Q: How long has he lived with you?

A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?

A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?

A: Yes.

Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?

A: Yes.

Q: How many were boys?

A: None.

Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?

A: By death.

Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?

A: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?

A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?

A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive, never the less?

A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

Funny Service call

2007-11-30T10:50:00.001-08:00

I was having trouble with my computer.
So I called Bruce, the computer guy, to come over.
Bruce clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.

As he was walking away, I called after him,
"So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but
Nonetheless inquired, "An ID ten T Error?
What's that . In case I need to fix it again?"

Bruce grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error
before?"

"No," I replied.

"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."

So I wrote it down.
I D 1 0 T

Everyone's Problem is Large

2007-11-29T14:26:00.001-08:00

The young man was at the end of his rope.

Seeing no way out, he dropped to his knees in prayer.

"Lord, I can't go on ," he said. "I have too heavy a cross to bear."

The Lord replied, "My son, if you can't bear its weight, just place your cross inside this room. Then, open that other door and pick out any cross you wish.

"The man was filled with relief.

Thank you, Lord," he sighed, and he did as he was told.

Upon entering the other door, he saw many crosses, some so large the tops were not visible.

Then, he spotted a tiny cross leaning against a far wall.

"I'd like that one, Lord," he whispered.

And the Lord replied, "My son, that is the cross you just brought in."

When life's problems seem overwhelming, it helps to look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself far more fortunate than you imagined.

How to win a Court case?

2007-11-23T17:52:00.001-08:00

A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit.

Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst.

So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars.

The partner was horrified. "The judge is an honorable man," the partner exclaimed.

"If you do that, I can guarantee you will lose the case!"

Weeks later the judge ruled in favor of the lawyer's client.

The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him. "Aren't you glad you didn't send those cigars to the judge?",

The partner asked. " But I did send them,"

Replied the lawyer. "I just enclosed the complainant's lawyer's business card !"

Get Pissed Off

2007-11-22T16:40:00.001-08:00

A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets it and begins to drink it and notices the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer.

Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter.

The bartender is pissed and is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves.

The next day the man is back and he comes in waiving a $3 dollar bill.

The bartender thinks: "okay, business is business " and lets him in. Again, the beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn't say anything.

Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 note.

The bartender goes to the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub. The bartender says: " there is your fu*king change!"

The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out 10 dimes, throws them behind the counter and says: "Gimme another beer! "

A Bar Joke

2007-11-21T15:29:00.001-08:00

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.

After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her, "Er... Excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"

She responds in a loud voice : " NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them.

The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.

After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says, "You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

The young man responds loudly with, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIVE THOUSAND RUPEES. THATS TOO MUCH !"

Childless Couple

2007-11-20T13:20:00.001-08:00

There once was a husband and wife who were unable to have children. After consulting everyone who would listen to their problem, they were still unsatisfied. Finally, they consulted their family priest.

"My children," the priest began, "The Lord will listen to your prayers, and I am sure that you will be blessed with children shortly. In fact, I am planning an extended stay in Rome, and while I'm visiting the Vatican, I will light a candle for you."

"Thank you, Father, thank you!" said the couple.

Before leaving, the priest turned and said, "I am sure everything will work out just fine for you. My stay in Rome will be for quite some time--15 years. But when I return, I will be sure to pay you a visit."

And so, 15 years came and went, and the priest returned to the States.

While resting on his porch one mid-summer morning, he remembered the promise of paying a visit that he had made 15 years ago. So he made his way to their home, and upon arriving at the residence of the couple who'd sought his council years earlier, he rang the doorbell.

Sounds of crying and screaming children filled the air! Overjoyed by the thought that their prayers had been answered, he entered the house. More than a DOZEN children filled the house from top to bottom! In the midst of all the chaos, stood the wife.

"My dear," the priest said, "your prayers have been answered! And where is your husband? I wish to congratulate him too on your miracle!"

"He just left for Rome," she said in a very desperate tone.

"Rome? Why did he go to Rome?" asked the priest.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

"To blow out that candle you lit!"

Sleeping Pills and Barking Dogs

2007-11-19T14:23:00.001-08:00

An exhausted looking sardarji dragged himself in to a doctor's clinic. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."

"I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. "Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over."

"Great," the sardarji answered, "I'll try anything. Let's give it a shot."

A few weeks later the sardarji returned, looking worse than ever. "Doctor, your plan is no good. I'm more tired than before!"

"I don't understand how that could be", said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"

"That may be true," answered the sardarji wearily, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it's hard getting him to swallow the pill!"

Joke:Why couldn't I open the door?

2007-11-18T16:30:00.001-08:00

Once Santa kept having the same weird dream everynight, so he went to a doctor.

Doctor: What was your dream about?

Santa: I was being chased by a vampire!

Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?

Santa: I was running in a hall way.

Doctor: Then what happened?

Santa: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!

Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?

Santa: Yes it did.

Doctor: And what did these letter spell?

Santa: It said "Pull"

Sardarji Jokes

2007-11-18T04:35:00.001-08:00

Teacher: "I killed a person." Convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "You will go to jail".

Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It"s already raining.
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

Postman:- I have to come 5 miles to deliver you this Packet
Sardar:- Why did you come so far. Instead you could have posted it...

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what
you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after every 10 sec a woman
gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

9 Rules for a Successful Life

2007-11-02T00:44:00.001-07:00

1 - Live to relax!

2 - Love your bed, it is your temple!

3 - Relax in the day, so that you can sleep at night!

4 - Work is holy, so don't attack it!

5 - Don't do something tomorrow, that you can do the day afterwards!

6 - Work as little as possible. Let the others do what needs to be done!

7 - Don't worry, nobody died from doing nothing, but you could get hurt at work!

8 - If you feel like doing work, sit down and wait until that feeling goes away!

9 - Don't forget: working is healthy! So leave it for the sick people!

Do you want to insure your car?

2007-10-27T17:16:00.000-07:00

Do you want to insure your car or vehicle, home and other precious things? Have you insured these items already? How did you choose the insurance companies, offers, premiums and rates they assignment. Did you do an elaborate investigation before you chose an insurance firm? likely not, it is not humanly possible to strain through every contract company's reiterate and analyze the pros and cons of apiece to act an aware choice. You could go to a business consultant or commercialism adviser, but, they change a a slant of preferred protection firms (through which they father commission from) - so, they are not actually suggesting you the best option - the best protection unfaltering for you. Now, you need not worry - because there is a solution in hand.

Mozdex Insurance gets car insurance quotes online from many insurance firms in your state and analyzes them on behalf of you and suggests you the superior contingent shelter plans for you. They specialise in car and home insurance primarily and work for every state in USA. All you need to do is just visit Mozdex firm online and you can initiate the search for the best car or home insurance sitting in front of your PC. When you enter your Zip code, you are directed to a special page for your State that explains the insurance procedure practised in your state. Then, it proceeds on to list the best quotes for you based on the price, conditions that you specify.

The car insurance is a very valuable contribution that you will make against theft, damage or accidental repairs. Always, insure your car before you hit the road and Mozdex auto insurance helps in every step in doing that.

We would never fly

2007-10-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared; he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther.

Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shrivelled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shrivelled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If nature allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been.

And we could never fly...

60 Things Are Happening Right Now

2007-10-25T17:13:00.000-07:00

60 Things Are Happening Right Now While You Are Reading This:

1. Somebody is very proud of you.

2. Somebody is thinking of you.

3. Somebody is caring about you.

4. Somebody misses you.

5. Somebody wants to talk to you.

6. Somebody wants to be with you.

7. Somebody hopes you aren't in trouble.

8. Somebody is thankful for the support you have provided.

9. Somebody wants to hold your hand.

10. Somebody hopes everything turns out all right.

11. Somebody wants you to be happy.

12. Somebody is celebrating your successes.

13. Somebody wants to give you a gift.

14. Somebody thinks that you are a gift.

15. Somebody hopes you are not too cold.

16. Somebody hopes you are not too hot.

17. Somebody wants to hug you.

18. Somebody loves you.

19. Somebody admires your strength.

20. Sombody is thinking of you and smiling.

21. Somebody wants to be your shoulder to cry on.

22. Somebody wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun.

23. Somebody thinks the world of you.

24. Somebody wants to protect you.

25. Somebody would do anything for you.

26. Somebody wants to be forgiven by you.

27. Somebody is grateful for your forgiveness.

28. Somebody wants to laugh with you.

29. Somebody remembers you and wishes that you were there.

30. Somebody is praising God for you.

31. Somebody needs to know that your love for them is unconditional.

32. Somebody values your advice.

33. Somebody wants to tell you how much they care.

34. Somebody wants to share their dreams with you.

35. Somebody wants to hold you in their arms.

36. Somebody wants you to hold them in your arms.

37. Somebody treasures your spirit.

38. Somebody wishes they could stop time because of you.

39. Somebody praises God for your friendship and love.

40. Somebody can't wait to see you again.

41. Somebody loves you for who you are.

42. Somebody loves the way you make them feel.

43. Somebody wants to be with you (forever and ever).

44. Somebody wants you to know they are there for you (always).

45. Somebody is glad that you're their friend.

46. Somebody wants to be your friend.

47. Somebody stayed up all night thinking about you.

48. Somebody is alive because of you.

49. Somebody is wishing that you noticed them.

50. Somebody wants to get to know you better.

51. Somebody wants to be near you.

52. Somebody misses your advice and guidance.

53. Somebody has faith in you.

54. Somebody trusts you...a lot.

55. Somebody needs your support.

56. Somebody needs you to have faith in them.

57. Somebody needs you to let them be your friend.

58. Somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.

59. Somebody wishes they could tell you how they feel.

60. Somebody wishes you would feel the same.

France - the best romantic holiday destination

2007-10-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

If you ask anyone which is the most romantic city in the world, most likely they would say, Paris. The City of Paris and France as a whole, is perceived by young people as a best tourist destination in the world. Actually, Paris can be considered as France in a nutshell. What makes the country so famous? Why do people love to visit the the country at lease once in their lifetime. Let us find out.

Arts and Culture
A country with rich heritage and culture will attract tourists and considering the reach of French literature, architecture and cuisine that distinctly stands out from the European counterparts, France is placed high up in the heritage nations. If you are an art lover, then you must visit Louvre museum which has the world renowned paintings of Leonardo Da Vinci such as Mona Lisa and works of Picasso and Rodin. The Eiffel tower is an engineering marvel to demonstrate the industrial revolution. Paris also boasts another iconic tourist destination of the world, Disney Land - which is loved by children all over the world. There are plenty of dance halls and opera theaters which run year-long shows and drams to entertain all people.

Food and Shopping
The French cuisine is probably one of the well developed food culture in the world. The food and wine is part of the dining experience for most French people. There are hundreds of hotels in france that serve the finest french food and there are some modern restaurants that serve exotic foreign cuisines as well. If you are budget conscious, ask a local to suggest few nice hotels and eating places. Some trendy and famous hotels in paris often require reservations so, make a reservation before walk into the door to ensure you get a seat. Every year millions of tourists come to Paris with one goal in their mind - Shopping. Paris is one of the great fashion centers in the world.

Accommodation
If you are visiting such a renowned, top tourist destination, then you must be aware of few challenges as well. Accommodation and finding the suitable accommodation for you would be your biggest hurdle. If you plan well-in-advance, then you can get a good deal. Like any other city, Paris also has its own high and low seasons of tourist visits. Be aware of the right season, and you could save plenty of time and money.

Paris is the city that offers something for every one. On an average, every year 30 million tourists visit Paris and France those include art lovers, food lovers, shoppers, fashion designers and children. Paris is, in my opinion, the true romantic city in the planet.

What is Hope

2007-10-20T03:40:00.001-07:00

Hope is knowing that a positive outcome awaits.

Hope is not only expecting a dream to come true,
but also having a deep assurance
that it's within your reach.

Hope is saying you can.

Hope is knowing that you can improve
and that you always get better with practice.

Hope is knowing that you can achieve your goals
through hard work and persistence.

Hope is looking to the future with joy
and having an expectation of
better things to come.

Hope is the knowledge that life is everlasting,
and that miracles happen every day.

Hope is something that never abandons you.
Even when your life is filled with
sadness and disappointment,
a spark remains inside to help you
get through the rough times.

Hope is one of God's greatest gifts to you,
because it's the magic that inspires you
to keep trying, learning, loving, and living. I have found that if you love life, life will love you back! ~ Arthur Rubenstein

Joke:Scare the Elephants

2007-10-18T07:31:00.001-07:00

A rather inebriated fellow on a bus was tearing up a newspaper into tiny
pieces and throwing them out the window.

"Excuse me," said the woman sitting next to him. "But, would you mind
explaining why you're doing this?"

"It scares away the elephants," replied the drunk.

"But I don't see any elephants around here," said the woman.

"Effective, isn't it?" crowed the drunk.

The Game will be Over

2007-09-30T17:20:00.001-07:00

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, " Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.

"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game'sover!"

24 simple fun facts

2007-09-29T22:15:00.001-07:00

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm .

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane .

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the hell happened?"

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos .

How to Pass Microsoft's Selection Process

2007-09-29T05:07:00.001-07:00

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new Chairman for Microsoft Europe. 5000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is Vella Reddy an Indian (Hyderabadi ) guy.

Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asking those who do not know JAVA program to leave.2000 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. 2000 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself ' I never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. 500 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, 'I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat to leave. 498 people leave the room. Reddy says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but
what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Reddy turns to the other candidate and says 'ellaa vunnavu babu' (in telugu it means - how are yu friend?)
The other candidate answers 'baguunanu babu ' (in telugu it means - im fine friend!)

How to kill Google?

2007-09-21T03:30:00.001-07:00

Even the biggest party has to end one day! Here’s how to topple Google in their own game. This article draws inspiration from wired magazine special edition ‘Googlemania’ published during it’s first IPO season. Also, lately I came across some research papers on the pitfalls in Search Giant’s approach.

#1. Build a search engine which can crawl every webpage ever created on this planet.

Google or any other search engine as a matter of fact, still scratching the surface of the web and about 80% of the deep web remains unexplored. Some estimates say that the deep web (invisible from any search engine) is 550 times greater than the normal web space.

“Google has 3 billion pages in its database, with AlltheWeb and Inktomi close behind. But there may be a trillion more pages hiding in plain sight - in online databases such as WebMD and The New York Times' archive, and they can't be reached by hopping from one link to another”

#2. Can you index and save a history of every webpage modifications.

“Google lets you search only its most recently crawled version of the Web. Pages that were changed or deleted prior to the last crawl are lost forever. What if you could search every version of every page ever posted?”

#3. Following, Aggregating RSS feeds

“News sites and blogs are supplementing their pages with RSS feeds - a service that pushes new content to subscribers as soon as it's published. Google doesn't track RSS feeds, and bloggers gripe that their posts take two to three days to show up in search results. An engine to which Web site owners could upload RSS would provide the latest version of every page.”

#4. What about knowledge mining?

Yes, Google returns the search results in milliseconds or lesser fraction of time. So, what. Still, I need to spend 30 minutes of time in Google to gather the information what I need. So, the information has to be aggregated from various sources to present ‘information related to a context’. Something similar to Yahoo Mindset – the beta search where you can adjust between ‘Shopping’ and ‘Researching’. If I type, “Biography of Gandhi”, the search companion should return extracts (authentic) from various webpages.

#5. Google is not so good.

At google, rich becomes richer. That is, the web pages resulting in top of the results page get linked again by many, promoting them further. Google’s ‘backlink algorithm’ is already flawed and bombed by hackers. It’s time to move on to a better Expert algorithm. We need to build an alogorithm which resembles an expert researcher who sieves through millions of junks to return golden nuggets of information and knowledge.

It’s not this easy. You need to build a complete, fast, free, search companion suiting each and everyone’s needs. More importantly, you should do it quickly!

Bill Gates, Andy Grove and Jerry Sanders

2007-09-06T16:04:00.001-07:00

Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft,
Intel, and AMD, in case you didn't recognize one (or more?!) of the names) were in a
high-powered business meeting. During the serious, tense discussions,
a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting.

Bill says, "Oh,
that's my emergency beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I really need to
take this
call."

So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking
into the end
of his tie. After completing this call, he notices the others are
staring at
him. Bill explains, "Oh, this is my new emergency communication
system. I have
an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end
of my tie.
That way, I can a take a call anywhere." The others nod, and the meeting
continues.

Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts
beeping. He also states, "Oh, that is my emergency beeper. Excuse me,
gentlemen, this must be an important call." So Andy taps his
earlobe and begins
talking into thin air. When he completes his call, he notices the others
staring at him and explains, "I also have an emergency
communication system.
But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the
microphone is
actually embedded in this fake tooth. Isn't that neat?"
The others nod, and the meeting continues.

Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry
emits a
thunderous fart. He looks up at the others staring at him and
says, "Uhh,
somebody get me a piece of paper... I'm receiving a fax."

How to find a beautiful indian wife: Practical Tips

2007-09-05T15:17:00.001-07:00

(Some one wrote this and sent by email - see if they help)

If you are a typical, single, Indian man who lives in the USA, the
time will come when it will dawn on you that the only chance you have
to indulge in wedded bliss lies in the hallowed institution of the
"Arranged Marriage". You probably left India when you were twenty-one,
having squandered your adolescence striving to get here. At this
point, you are twenty-five or older, and have been out of touch with
the general Indian female population for more than a decade. All the
women you know back home are married. This manual is written for those
of you who harbor hopes of acquiring a beautiful arranged bride.

If you belong to the rarified set of intellectuals to whom the
external female form holds no charms, and those who evaluate others
according to the quality of their inner selves, this manual is not for
you. Before you stop reading, please accept my heartiest
congratulations on your self control and ideological correctness. I
am not worthy of even addressing you (kneel! kneel!).

No, this manual is for the rest of you, mere mortals, who still have
enough red blood in their veins so that you can admit, even to
yourselves, that you rather like the idea of having a beautiful wife.

Of course, before I even go about describing how to acquire beauty, it
is necessary to define it. And this is where I expect the most
disagreement. There will be those among you who proclaim, "But beauty
is in the eye of the beholder!" And you would be partly right.

If you are a man who equates beauty to facial attractiveness, there is
not much that this manual can do for you. You are a very fortunate
man, for Indian women have the most beautiful faces of any race in the
world. You have a very large pool to choose from, and you do not need
much help in choosing, because you can look at each prospective
bride's face and decide whether she is beautiful or not.

No, this is written for those who would like their wife to have a good
figure too. For you, the job is harder. Typically, Indian women do not
get much physical exercise, and consequently, if they are not scrawny,
tend to be on the overweight side. Why do you think sarees are so
popular in India? Because they can hide all the embarrassing bulk!
Some men think that Indian women do not have shapely legs by reasons
of genetics. I say to them, check out the figures of the IA (ABCD to
you politically incorrect guys) women. They are on par with anything
I have seen on any other race. This is because IA women work out and
take care to keep themselves in shape. You cannot go covering yourself
up around here, not if you want to get dates.

If you are one of those academic types who have not given much thought
to the matter, or merely one of those blighters who like to ask
intelligent questions to which you already know the answers, and ask
me, "But why does one NEED a beautiful wife?" I would reply that
beauty is a double edged sword. It has its advantages and
disadvantages, some of which I summarize below.

Advantages of having a beautiful wife.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

a) A beautiful girl is much easier to adjust to than an
unattractive one. You will be much more tolerant of her faults during
the initial "adjustment" phase of marriage, simply because you will
not have the heart to get irritated with someone so lovely. She will
be much easier to forgive after a fight.

b) If you are the typical desi engineer, you will not be exactly
Adonis Reborn. If your wife is homely too, your child will probably
look like the Swamp Thing, or the Blob. If you love your unborn
children, you owe it to them to give them a beautiful mother.

c) A beautiful wife enhances your social stature. People will
look at you and think, "How the ^&*% did that !@## land such a
gorgeous babe? He must have something that is not visible on the
outside!" You will get invited to more parties, especially by men who
want to spend the evening drooling at her. Conversely, if your wife is
homely, you will be rather embarrassed to take her to gatherings of
your friends, especially if they are all married to knockouts.

d) And most importantly, sex will be much better if your wife is
good-looking. Otherwise, after a couple of years when the pent-up
horniness of the past 25+ years has worn off, you probably will not be
even able to get it up, unless you resort to ungentlemanly and
undignified tactics, like fantasising about Sridevi when you are in
bed.

Disadvantages of having a beautiful wife.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

a) If you are one of those for whom innocence, virtue, and
chastity are important, beautiful women are not for you. My empirical
research shows that, while beauty (or the lack of it) in a woman is in
no way indicative of her intelligence, beautiful women are invariably
very street-smart. They KNOW that they are good looking, and have got
used to people bending over backwards to accommodate them. This dawns
on them very early on in life, when they observe that teachers are
much nicer to them than to their less-attractive friends, when almost
all the men they encounter behave like brainless, testeterone-driven
apes in their presense, when they observe that they get things done
twice as quickly in a government office .

As a teenager in college, a beautiful woman would have had lots of men
vying with each other for her friendship and affections. She would
have to be more than human not to have enjoyed the attention. She
would have played the men one against the other, as women have done
since time immemorial. She might have dated, and even had affairs. In
the process, she would get to know men all too well, and would realize
that they are but putty in the hands of a good-looking woman.

b) A good-looking woman is more than a match for the average desi
engineer. She will twist you around her little finger and make you
jump through hoops. Things will get done her way nearly all the time.
Of course, it will be fun to jump through hoops for someone as lovely
as she is. A homely woman, on the other hand, will usually be so
grateful to you for marrying her that she will treat you like a king.

c) As I mentioned before, a beautiful woman is unlikely to be
particularly virtuous or righteous. But that is okay, since too much
virtue often goes hand-in-hand with rather undesirable traits. A
virtuous woman may also be ugly, weird, boring, hyper-religious or
frigid.

d) A beautiful woman is more likely to "stray" after marriage
too. This is the USA, and the fact that a woman is married does not
make her off-limits to adventurers or would-be Casanovas. The more
lovely a woman is, the more likely is she to be propositioned by her
male colleagues or friends. Ergo, she is subject to much more
temptation than her homely counterparts. Think about this... how
would it be if women kept asking you, a man, to make love to them? How
many times would you refuse?

How to go about selecting a beautiful wife.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

First of all, there is the matter of mentioning the fact to your
parents. If your parents are anything like mine, they will freak out
when they hear that their dear devoted son is actually interested in
earthy things like beauty (and, by extrapolation, sex). It is not
considered good form to say that beauty is important to you in Indian
circles.

Here is a very important tip... do not leave bride-hunting to your
parents! Beauty is going to be the last of their priorities, coming
after caste, horoscopes, family background, perceived virtue of the
girl etc. Make it very clear to them that beauty is high on your list
of priorities. State in no uncertain terms that you will not marry
anyone who does not measure up to your standards. That will prevent
them from goofing off during bride-hunting, shirking their
responsibilities and palming off some family-friend's daughter on you.

Another unpalatable fact is that your mother will not want you to
marry someone too beautiful. This often comes as a surprise to most
sons, but the reason is simple. Mothers know that, sooner or later,
there will be a tussle between her and her daughter-in-law over her
son's affections and loyalties. Since women are extremely conscious
of their looks and tend to rate themselves accordingly, a beautiful
woman has a psychological advantage over a less attractive one in an
argument. Also, your mother knows that a beautiful wife will tilt the
scales against her as far as you are concerned, since such a wife will
probably have you dangling by the balls, if you pardon the expression.
So, left to herself, your mother will limit her search to women who
are less attractive than she perceives herself to be.

Before you start on your bride-hunting, you should convince yourself
that you deserve a beautiful wife. Do not ever think, "But I am not so
good-looking anyway, what right have I to demand a lovely girl?"
Since Man started walking the earth, it has been the man's wealth that
has been traded off for the woman's beauty. Rest assured that your
looks will be the last thing on a girl's mind when she rates you as a
prospective husband. (I am limiting myself to arranged marriages
here). She will be weighing your earning potential, green-card
potential etc. Even in this land of feminism, "Cosmopolitan" has
articles on "How to hook a rich husband" and "The ten best places to
meet successful men".

You have worked hard, and wasted ten of the most wonderful years of
your life getting where you are. You deserve to get something out of
it. Do not squander your bargaining position. In other words, do not
be ashamed to make your preference for beauty known.

How to check whether she is beautiful.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

First of all, never consent to marry a girl whom you have seen only in
photographs. PHOTOGRAPHS LIE!!!! Photography is an art that can make
HKL Bhagat look like Zeenat Aman. All too often, photographs sent to
prospective suitors contain only the face. Also, they usually have
been so air-brushed and sanitized, all the pimples and other
irregularities removed, that the end product has little in common with
the original. Also, it is a certain fact that no woman will consent to
send you photograph that presents herself in an unflattering light.

These days, in the urban areas of India, it is often the practice to
take an album-full of pictures of a girl when she gets to marriageable
age. These pictures show the girl in various outfits, eastern and
western. The album is then sent to prospective grooms-in-the-states.
During my last visit to India, I learned from an authoritative source
that many of these pictures are blatant forgeries, involving splicing
the girl's head on to the figure of some other girl, sometimes
professional models. In one case, pictures of a girl's good-looking
sister were went out instead. Bottom line: do not make a decision
based merely on photographs!

Darshan.
^^^^^^^

Once you see the girl directly, you can easily check whether her face
measures up. The figure is a different matter altogether. Women have
conducted more research into packaging themselves than have been
conducted on the entire US space effort. You should realize that,
while you were struggling in your engineering program in undergraduate
on grad school, women were learning the techniques of camouflage. She
KNOWS that it is her looks that count. By packaging herself so that
she seems attractive to a non-resident Indian for about 10 minutes,
she can earn all that it took the NRI 10 years of hard work to
realize. Women are extremely honest with their friends about their
positive and negative points. They are intensely aware of their flaws,
and work systematically towards concealing them.

So, if she seems to have a liking for loose, flowing sarees or
salwar-kameez, keep your mind open to the possibility that she may be
overweight. That fold of her saree draped oh-so-elegantly across her
midriff might be concealing a paunch. It it is wound demurely around
her back, she probably has spare tires. Does she walk slowly and
sedately, like an old Spanish galleon making its way across the seas?
She is probably holding her paunch in.

So what do you do if she always appears in such clothes? You cannot
very well demand that she change clothes... that would be outrageously
bad form. AND SHE KNOWS THAT! One way to approach such a problem is
the following. Tell her that she cannot wear a saree in the states,
that it would be embarrassing for you. Tell her that if she is not
willing to wear jeans, shorts and pants on a regular basis, you are
probably not a good choice for her. Subtly hint that you would like to
see her in western clothes. If she refuses flat-out, my friend, you
can be sure that she is hiding something. If she has a good figure,
she will make damned sure that you see it.

A large percentage of women in India have huge hips and very heavy
thighs. This is mainly due to lack of exercise. In a saree or
churidar, it is impossible to check for these, which is why they are
so popular. If a woman states that she does not wear pants, warning
bells should ring in her mind. One way to check for obesity under a
saree or salwar is to note the relative positions of her bosom and
midriff. For a woman with a good figure, the bosom should be at a
considerably higher level. If she dresses so that the bosom does not
stand out, it is almost surely because she has a paunch that comes to
the same level. Or she may be droopy, saggy or totally flat.

Let me reiterate, if a girl has something to show, she will make
damned sure that you will see it.

One way to see how your prospective bride looks when she is not
dressed up is to ask to see her family albums. NOT the ones that they
keep out ostentatiously but the ones that they keep tucked away at the
corner of the shelf. A lot of overweight women go through crash diets
during the wedding season, starving themselves or going to
professional "fat-farms" to lose dozens of pounds, to get into
presentable shape for the darshan. I know of one woman who lost 60
pounds in 8 months preparing for the wedding. She quickly gained it
all back after the marriage. Pictures of the woman taken 2 or 3 years
ago should tell you whether she is inclined to obesity.

If, on the other hand, she is a thin woman who has padded herself up
to look good on darshan day, there is no way on earth that you can
tell. The best way to check for this sort of stuff is to enlist the
help of a sympathetic, liberated, female, friend, sister or other
relative. She can easily see through the disguise and give you
unbiased estimates of the interior. So, if you have a sister, you had
better start being nice to her.

I hope you will find my article useful. Happy hunting!

(Sent by an Indian NRI)

All the things you wanted to know about women

2007-09-04T12:03:00.001-07:00

Element: woman

Symbol: Wo

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Weight: accepted as 118 but is known to vary from 100 - 160 lbs.

Occurence: surplus quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

1) suface usually covered in painted film
2) boils at nothing, freezes without reason
3) melts if given proper treatment
4) bitter if used incorrectly
5) found in various states, ranging from virgin metal, to common ore

Chemical Properties:

1) possess great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones
2) able to absorb great quantities of expensive substances
3) may explode spontaneously if left alone with a male
4) insoluable in liquids but activity greatly increased by saturation in
alcohol
5) yields to pressure applied to correct points

Uses:

1) highly ornamental, especially in sports carsTests:
2) most powerful money-reducing agent known
3) can be a great aid to relaxation

Tests:

1) pure specimen turns a rosy tint if discovered in natural state
2) turns green if placed beside a better specimen

Caution:

1) highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2) illegal to posses more than one except in certain areas (Utah, etc.)

Who is the boss?

2007-09-03T18:02:00.001-07:00

When man was created, all the parts of the body
argued over who would be boss.

The brain explained that since he controlled the
whole body, that he should be boss.

The legs argued that since they took the man wherever
he wanted to go, they should be boss.

The stomach countered with the explanation that since
the man would die without nourishment of food he should be boss.

The eyes said that without them, the man would be helpless,
so they should be the boss.

Then the asshole applied for the job.

The other body parts laughed so hard, that the asshole
got mad and closed up.

After a few days, the brain went foggy, the legs got
wobbly, the stomach got ill, and the eyes crossed, and could
not see.

They all gave in, and made the asshole the boss.

That just proves that you don't have to be a brain to
be a boss,

You just have to be an asshole !!

The Non-Resident Indian Syndrome

2007-09-02T21:01:00.001-07:00

When an Indian professional becomes a 'Non-Resident Indian' in the
United States, he soon starts suffering from a strange disease. The
symptoms are a fixture of restlessness, anxiety, hope and nostalgia.
The virus is a deep inner need to get back home. Like Shakespeare
said, "The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." The medical
world has not coined a word for this malady. Strange as it is, it
could go by a stranger name, the "X + 1" syndrome.

To understand this disease better, consider the background. Typically
middle-class, the would be migrant's sole ambition through school is
to secure admission into one of those heavily government subsidised
institutions - the IITs. With the full backing of a doting family and
a good deal of effort, he acheives his goal. Looking for fresh worlds
to conquer, his sights rest on the new world. Like lemmings to the
sea, hordes of IIT graduates descend on the four US consulates to seek
the holiest of holy grails - the F-1 (student) stamp on the passport.

After crossing the visa hurdle and tearful farewell, our hero departs
for the Mecca of higher learning, promising himself and his family
that he will return some day - soon!

The family proudly informs their relatives of each milestone - his
G.P.A., his first car (twenty years old), his trip to Niagara Falls
(photographs), his first winter (parkas,gloves). The two years roll by
and he graduates at the top of his class. Now begins the 'great
hunt' for a company that will not only give him a job but also sponsor
him for that 3" X 3" grey plastic, otherwise known as the Green Card.
A US company sensing a good bargain offers him a job.

Naturally, with all the excitement of seeing his first pay check in
four digit dollars, thoughts of returning to India are far away. His
immediate objective of getting the Green Card is reached within a
year.

Meanwhile, his family back home worry about the strange American
influences (and more particularly, AIDS). Through contacts they line
up a list of eligble girls from eligible families and wait for the
great one's first trip home. Return he does, at the first available
oppurtunity, with gifts for the family and mouth-watering tales of
prosperity beyond imagination. After interviewing the girls, he picks
the most likely (lucky) one to be Americanised. Since the major reason
for the alliance is his long-term stay abroad, the question of his
immediate return does not arise. Any doubts are set aside by the
'backwardnes' of working life, long train travel, lack of phones,
inadequate oppurtunities for someone with hi-tech qualifications, and
so on.

The newly-weds return to America with the groom having to explain the
system of arranged marriages to the Americans. Most of them regard it
as barbaric and on the same lines as communism. The tongue-tied bride
is cajoled into explaining the bindi and saree. Looking for something
homely, the couple plunges into the frenetic expatriate week-end
social scene compromising dinners, videos of Hindi/regional films,
shopping at Indian stores, and bhajans.

Initially, the wife misses the warmth of her family, but the presence
of washing machines, vacuum cleaners, daytime soap operas and the
absence of a domineering mother-in-law helps. Bits of news filtering
through from India, mostly from returning Indians, is eagerly lapped
up.

In discussions with freinds, the topic of returning to India arises
frequently but is brushed aside by the lord and master who is now
rising in the corporate world and has fast moved into a two garage
home - thus fulfilling the great American Dream. The impending arrival
of the first born fulfills the great Indian Dream. The mother-in-law
arrives in time: after all, no right thinking parent would want their
off-spring to be born in India if offered the American alternative.

With all material comforts that money can bring, begins the first
signs of un- easiness - a feeling that somehow things are not what
they should be. The craze for exotic electronic goods, cars and
vacations have been satiated. The week-end gatherings are becoming
routine.

Faced with a mid-life crisis, the upwardly mobile Indian's career
graph plateu's out. Younger and more aggressive Americans are
promoted. With one of the periodic mini recessions in the economy and
the threat of a hostile take-over, the job itself seems far from
secure.

Unable or unwilling to socialize with the Americans, the Indian
retreats into a cocoon. At the home front,the children have grown up
and along with American accents have imbibed American habits
(cartoons,hamburgers) and values(dating). They respond to their
parents' exhortation of leading a clean Indian way of life by asking
endless questions.

The generation gap combines with the cultural chasm. Not surprisingly,
the first serious thoughts of returning to India occur at this stage.
Taking advantage of his vacation time, the Indian returns home to
'explore' possibilities. Ignoring the underpaid and beaurocratic
government sector, he is bewildered by the 'primitive' state of the
private sector. Clearly overqualified even to be a managing
director/chairman he stumbles upon the idea of being an entrepreneur.

In the seventies, his search for an arena to display his buisness
skills normally ended in poultry farming. In the eighties, electronics
is the name of the game. Undaunted by horror stories about government
red tape and corruption he is determined to overcome the odds - with
one catch. He has a few things to settle in the United States. After
all, you can't just throw away a lifetime's work. And there are things
like taxation and customs regulations to be taken note of. Pressed for
a firm date, he says confidently 'next year' and therein lies our
story. The next years come and go but there is no sign of our
McCarthian freind.

In other words if 'X' is the current year, then the objective is to
return in the 'X + 1' year. Since 'X' is a changing variable, the
objective is never reached. Unable to truly melt in the 'Great Melting
Pot', chained to his cultural moorings and haunted by an abject fear
of giving up an accustomed standard of living, the Non-Resident Indian
vacillates and oscillates between two worlds in a twilight zone.
Strangely, this malady appears to affect only the Indians - all of our
Asian brethren from Japan, Korea and even Pakistan - seem immune to
it.

Stupid Jokes 3

2007-09-01T10:59:00.001-07:00

Husband: I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in
it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don't you?

What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

How many men does it take to pop popcorn?
Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake
the stove.

What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.

How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.

Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Stupid Jokes 2

2007-08-31T16:58:00.001-07:00

Did you hear about the banker who's a great lover?
He knows first-hand the penalty for early withdrawal.

Why are men like laxatives?
They irritate the crap out of you.

What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.

Why do jocks play on artificial turf?
To keep them from grazing.

If men got pregnant....
abortion would be available in convienience
stores and drive-through windows.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because they already have boyfriends.

Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.

How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.

What is gross stupidity?
144 men in one room.

Stupid Jokes 1

2007-08-30T18:58:00.001-07:00

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What's the difference between government bonds and men?
Bonds Mature.

What is the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish.

What did God say after creating man?
I can do better.

Husband: Want a quickie?
Wife: As opposed to what?

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.

The Wrong Gift, Wrong Person

2007-08-29T17:57:00.001-07:00

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's
birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful
consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right
note...romantic, but not too personal.

Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Sears and
bought a pair of white gloves. The younger sister purchased a pair of
panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got
the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the
contents, he sealed the package and mailed it to his sweetheart along
with this note:

Darling,

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of
wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your
sister,
I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short
ones that are easy to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me
the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were
hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really
smart.

I wish I was there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt
other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to
see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them
away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I I
hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my love,

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur
showing.

Being an Indian

2007-08-28T13:55:00.001-07:00

Being an Indian, I have the right to fly any airline but Air India. I
have the right to curse workers on Indian airports for the little bit
courtesy I receive and eulogize the clerks and police on other airports
for their rude behaviour. Being an Indian I have the undeniable right to
try to smuggle electronic goods into India and then pay a bribe to get
them officially into India. Oh yes, nobody else is as anguished about the
corrupt practices of the customs officials as I.

Being an Indian, I have the right to photocopy entire books, no matter
which country I am in. Being an Indian in the US, I am preoccupied with
finding out which airline is the cheapest to fly to India, which telephone
company is the cheapest to call India and this is what I talk with my fellow
Indians most of the time. Sometimes I find the 78 c/min too expensive to call,
so either I pay a crook a few bucks and talk with my family for half an hour
with the courtesy of the perpetually loss making Indian telephone dept, or I
ask my father to search for a connection in the telephone dept. Being an
Indian, I have the right to buy something which I cannot afford, use it for
some time, then return it for full refund.

Being an Indian, I must read India Today and other Indian magazines (hidden
clause: I shouldn't have to pay for it) and then lecture for hours how India
is going to dogs. Being an Indian, I have the right to lament India's
performance at Asian Games and Olympics, although I am not good at any sport,
neither do I have a liking for any. I used to love cricket when India was world
champion, but now I despise it because India loses to Pakistan most of the time.

Exam Questiosn that are never meant to appear in Exams

2007-08-27T12:00:00.001-07:00

Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all
questions.

Time limit: 2 hours. Begin immediately.

History: Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to
the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively,
on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical
impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise
and specific.

Medicine: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of
gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not
suture until you work has been inspected. You have fifteen
minutes.

Public Speaking: 2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the
classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except
Latin or Greek.

Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent
human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million
years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on
the English Parliamentary System. Prove your thesis.

Music: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with
flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

Physchology: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the
emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed
frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisis,
Rameses II, Hammuarabi. Support your evaluation with quotations
from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not
necessary to translate.

Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might
accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test
your theory.

Engineering: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have
been placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction
manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry bengal tiger
will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel
necessary. Be prepared to justify your decision.

Economics: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national
debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following
areas: Cubism, the Donatist Controversy and the Wave Theory of
Light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize
this method from all possible points of view. Point out the
deficiencies in your point of view, as demonstrated in your
answer to the last question.

Political Science: There is a red telephone on the desk beside
you. Start World War III. Report at length on its
socio-political effects if any.

Epistemology: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the
validity of your stand.

Physics: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an
evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on
science.

Philosophy: Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate
its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind
of thought.

General Knowledge: Describe in detail. Be objective and
specific.

52 Good reasons why Beer is Better than Women!!!!

2007-08-27T05:50:00.001-07:00

1. You can enjoy a beer all night long.
2. Beer stains wash out.
3. You don't have to wine and dine beer.
4. A beer will wait in the car while you go and play football.
5. When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.
6. Beer is never late.
7. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
8. Hangovers go away
9. Beer labels come off without a fight.
10. When you go to a bar, you can always pick up a beer.
11. Beer never has a headache.
12. After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents.
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer.
14. If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.
15. A beer goes down easy.
16. You can have more than one beer in a night and not feel guilty.
17. You can share a beer with your friends.
18. You always know you're the first one to pop a beer.
19. Beer is always wet.
20. Beer doesn't demand equality.
21. You can have a beer in public.
22. A beer doesn't care when you come.
23. A frigid beer is a good beer.
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
25. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
26. You can't catch social diseases from a beer.
27. When your interrupted by a beer it's for a good reason.
28. A beer is always satisfying.
29. A beer gets lighter the longer you hold it.
30. A beer won't tell you its pregnant for fun.
31. A beer does not come with inlaws.
32. No matter what the package, a beer still looks good.
33. To cool off a beer, all you have to do is put it in the ice box.
34. All you have to do to get over a beer is take a leak.
35. Beer doesn't complain about farting.
36. The only thing a beer tells you is when its time to go to the bathroom.
37. You are never embarraessed about the beer you bring to a party.
38. Its okay to leave a party with a different beer than the one you
bought.
39. Beer won't drive you to drink.
40. You can shoot a beer.
41. A beer chaser is easier to catch.
42. You don't need a license to live with a beer.
43. A tree is good enough for a beer.
44. Beer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't.
45. Beer doesn't care how much you earn.
46. Beer and "ice" don't mix.
47. Beer won't complain about your choice of vacation - it goes along
happily.
48. Beer doesn't care if you go to sleep right after you've had it.
49. Beer is happy to ride in the truck of your car.
50. You never have to promise to respect a beer in the morning.
51. Beer never complains about a wet spot.
52. You can put all your old beers together in one room and they won't
fight.

This is how American Capitalism work

2007-08-25T20:51:00.001-07:00

A 12-year-old American lad asked his father, who was an economics
professor at Harvard, how American capitalism worked.

"Well" said his dad, "I make money. That is Capital. Your mother
runs the home. That is Management, while the maid, who is Labour,
does the work.

"You are Production, the result of co-operation between Capital
and Management, while your baby brother is the Future.

"That night the lad heard his baby brother crying because his
nappy was dirty, so he went in search of his mother, but she was fast
asleep.

Eventually he decided to wake the maid, only to find his father
hiding behind her bedroom door. His father gane him a wallop and
sent him back to bed.

The next day he said to his father: "Now I know exactly how
capitalism works. "Management is asleep, Capital is exploiting
Labour, Production is hard hit, and the Future stinks!"

Real Women Vs. Martha Stewart

2007-08-15T23:25:00.001-07:00

Martha's way #1
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

The Real Women's Way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake,you are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

Martha's way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

The Real Women's Way:
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

Martha's way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.

The Real Women's Way:
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.

Martha's way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up."

The Real Women's Way:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.

Martha's way #5:
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.

The Real Women's Way:
Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

Martha's way #6:
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

The Real Women's Way:
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I just don't do it.

Martha's way #7:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

The Real Women's Way:
Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the headache anymore, YOU'RE NOW BLIND!

Martha's way #8:
If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

The Real Women's Way:
Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.

Martha's way #9:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

The Real Women's Way:
Leftover wine??????

3 Engineers from Microsoft, Apple and Google

2007-08-15T22:14:00.001-07:00

Three engineers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals. The first software engineer finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used paper towel after paper towel and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two engineers, he said, "At Microsoft , we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second electronics engineer finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At Apple, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third Mechanical engineer finished and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Google we don't pee on our hands."

That's why we say," Google makes the world "!!!!!!!!

Little Greeting

2007-08-13T20:13:00.001-07:00

This little greeting,
I'm sending your way.
Hoping that maybe,
I'll brighten your day!

With it comes happiness,
Love and good cheer.
Wishing you laughter,
Throughout the whole year.

Not a tear in your eye,
But a smile on your face.
One that's so bright and can,
light up the darkest place

Laughter ringing,
So loud and so true.
That no one around you,
Could ever be blue.

Just remember these wishes,
I'm sending your way.
Just hoping that maybe,
You'll have a nice day!

The Cure

2007-08-12T19:44:00.001-07:00

The Cure. Cliff had, had it.

Finally, worried to death, he went to a psychiatrist.

"Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears. "How much will that cost me?" "Eighty dollars per visit," replied the doctor." "I'll sleep on it," said Jerry.

Six months later the doctor met Cliff on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see about those fears you were having?" asked the psychiatrist.

"Well.... Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! I found a bartender who cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money I went and bought me a new pickup!"

"Is that so! And How, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"

Tell Kind Words

2007-08-11T20:11:00.001-07:00

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much," were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in

VietNam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."

Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary"

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists"

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

Tales of Grandparents

2007-08-10T19:42:00.001-07:00

Grandparents contribute a special relationship to a child that no one else can give them.

They can always be counted upon to buy anything you ' re selling ... from all-purpose greeting cards to peanut brittle ... from flower seeds to cookies ... from transparent tape to ten chances on a pony.

A grandparent buys you gifts your mother says you don' t need.

A grandparent pretends he doesn ' t know who you are on Halloween.

A grandparent will put a sweater on you when she is cold, feed you when she is hungry and put you to bed when she is tired.

A grandparent will frame a picture of your hand that you traced over the brocade sofa in the Mediterranean living room.

A grandparent will check to see if you are crying when you are sound asleep.

A grandparent is the only babysitter who doesn ' t charge money to keep you.

A grandparent will believe you can read when you have the book upside down.

When a grandchild says, "Grandma, how come you didn ' t have any children?" a grandparent will fight back the tears.

Lovely Quotes

2007-08-09T19:39:00.001-07:00

U love someone

U marry someone else.
The one u marry becomes ur wife or husband.
And the one u loved, becomes the password of ur mail id"

2)
There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.

There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbour has it.

3)
Three dreams of a man:

To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...

4)
Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.

Husband is liver & wife kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney

5)
If you want happiness for an hour Take a Nap

If you want happiness for a day Go on a Picnic
If you want happiness for a week Go on a Vacation
If you want happiness for a month Get Married
If you want happiness for a year Inherit Wealth
If you want happiness for a life time Learn to Love What you do !

Love Poem

2007-08-08T19:36:00.001-07:00

I'd become the rain
And gently wash over you
Cleansing your worries away.

I'd become the sun
Kissing you softly
Wrapping you in my warmth.

I'd become the storm
With nature's power so pure
Exciting, enticing, and satisfying.

I'd become the breeze
Caressing you gently with whispers-
I Love You, my dear Friend.

Funny Customer Support Calls

2007-08-07T19:30:00.001-07:00

These "tech support calls " have been around in e-mails and online since the dawn of tech support.

**********

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry....

**********

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

**********

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

**********

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

**********

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

**********

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

**********

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back

Customer: OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

**********

Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

**********

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five stars.

**********

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer : Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

**********

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

**********

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

**********

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

**********

And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

Superman Joke

2007-08-06T19:31:00.001-07:00

This happened in Jeddah Airport in Saudi Arabia

One Indian passenger named Anantharaman Subbaraman arrived at Jeddah airport.

He ended up waiting for his visa for about 2 hrs for the authorities to call his name...

Finally, he got wild and went to the Saudi authorities and shouted why they haven't called his name yet.

They retaliated & claimed that they have been calling him for the last hour and a half ......... and were wondering why he hadn't responded!

The reason was made clear when the Saudi immigration officer announced his name again on the microphone as : 'Anotherman Superman'

Life's Little Lessons

2007-08-05T19:26:00.001-07:00

Don't force a fit. If something is meant to be, it will come together naturally.
When things aren't going so well, take a break. Everything will look different when you return.

Be sure to look at the big picture. Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.
Perseverance pays off. Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.

When one spot stops working, move to another. But be sure to come back later (see above).

The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook.
Variety is the spice of life. It's the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.

Establish the border first. Boundaries give a sense of security and order.
Don't be afraid to try different combinations. Some matches are surprising.

Take time to celebrate your successes (even little ones).

Anything worth doing takes time and effort. A great puzzle can't be rushed.

Spanish Jokes

2007-08-04T19:24:00.001-07:00

A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."

"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model

Life's Ups and Downs

2007-08-03T19:22:00.001-07:00

Falling in love.
Falling off a cliff.

Having your 2:00 appointment cancelled on a beautiful day.
Having your 2:00 appointment cancelled because it's storming.

Watching your child do something for the first time.
Watching your child leave home.

A great idea.
A great idea that someone stole from you.

A hot shower on a cold morning.
A cold shower on a cold morning.

A hug.
A honk.

A walk in the rain.
A walk in the acid rain.

Holding someone you love in front of a fireplace.
Not having a fireplace.

Catching snowflakes on your tongue.
Catching a love bug on your tongue.

Seeing a shooting star.
Seeing someone shooting an animal.

Tailgating on a warm Sunday afternoon.
Getting pulled over for tailgating.

Clean sheets.
Spilling milk in your clean sheets.

Falling asleep in the sun on a cool spring day.
Falling asleep in the sun at noon on the beach with no sunscreen.

Hugging a big teddy bear.
Hugging a big, sweaty sumo wrestler.

Playing miniature golf.
Playing miniature pool.

Catching your favorite TV show.
Realizing you've wasted your time watching your favorite TV show.

Laughing so hard
your face hurts.
Laughing so hard
you snort your drink.

Listening to classical music.
Listening to "Polka, Polka, Polka".

Finding out a sweater you like is half price.
Finding out a sweater you like is ugly.

Birthday cakes.
Cow pies.

Real Meaning of Friendship

2007-08-01T19:15:00.001-07:00

Like flowers they need to bloom slow
Allowing loving friendships to grow
Friendships can be a lifetime treasure
Allowing growth without pressure

Just as flowers need attention
Friendships need love, not contention
As flowers of all shades
Loving friendships won't fade

Friendships need to connect
In time they earn respect
Just as flowers have roots
In time developed strong shoots

Friendships are like the ivy vine
Becoming stronger they entwine
Truest colors of the rose
True sincerity friends expose

I love and appreciate all my friends
Thankful to God above love transcends
Rather have my friends then gold, diamonds or jewels
All of my friends live by the Golden Rule.